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 Inregistrat: acum 19 ani
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A piece of rope walks into a bar and the bartender says, ‘We don’t serve your kind.’
The rope goes outside, ties himself in a knot and frays one of his ends. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says, ‘Weren’t you just in here?’
The rope replies, ‘No, I’m a frayed knot.’
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks, ‘Olive or twist?’
A mushroom walks into a bar and the Bartender says, ‘We don’t Serve your kind here.’
The mushroom says, ‘Why not? I’m a fun-guy.’
A man walks into a bar. ‘Pint of your best,’ he says to the barman.
While waiting for his drink he notices that Vincent van Gogh is sitting at one of the tables. He goes up to him and says, ‘Are you Vincent van Gogh?’
‘Yes,’ the old man replies.
‘Do you want a pint?’ the man asks.
‘No, ta,’ Vincent replies. ‘I’ve got one ’ere.’
A man walks into a bar in Cork, Ireland, and asks the barman, ‘What’s the quickest way to get to Dublin?’
‘Are you walking or driving?’ asks the barman.
‘Driving,’ says the man.
‘That’s the quickest way,’ says the barman.
A duck walks into a bar and says, ‘Got any bread?’
The bartender says, ‘No.’
The duck says, ‘Got any bread?’
The bartender says, ‘NO!’
‘Got any bread?’
‘I said N-O, NO!’
‘Got any bread?’
‘For crying out loud – N-O spells NO, and I mean NO!’
‘Got any bread?’
‘NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!’
‘Got any bread?’
‘Look, if you ask me one more time if I’ve got any bread, I’m going to nail your flipping beak to the bar!’
‘Got any nails?’
‘No.’
‘Got any bread?’
A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, ‘I’ll have a gin ……………………………………………… and tonic.’
‘What’s with the big pause?’ the bartender asks.
‘I don’t know,’ the bear says. ‘My dad had them too.’
A chicken walks into a bar, looks around and says to the barman,
‘Sorry, wrong joke.’
A man walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little man.
The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano.
Another man notices and asks, ‘Hey, what’s that?’
‘A 12-inch pianist. You see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish and I got a 12-inch
pianist.’
‘Can I try?’
The man with the piano agrees and a minute later, a million ducks fill the room.
‘Ducks? I didn’t wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!’
‘You think I really wished for a 12-inch pianist?’
A man walks into a bar and says, ‘Give me a beer before problems start!’
He drinks the beer, then orders another, saying, ‘Give me a beer before problems start!’
The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, ‘When are you going to pay for these beers?’
The man answers, ‘Ah, now the problems start!’
A panda walks into a bar, and tells the bartender that he wants to have lunch.
The bartender gives him a menu and he orders.
The panda eats his lunch, and when he’s finished he gets up to leave. Suddenly, the panda pulls an AK-47 out of his fur, and shoots the bar to pieces. He then heads for the door.
The shocked bartender jumps out from behind the destroyed bar and yells, ‘Hey, what do you think you’re doing? You ate lunch, shot up my bar, and now you’re just going to leave?’
The panda answers calmly, ‘I’m a panda.’
The bartender says, ‘Yeah, so?’
The panda replies, ‘Look it up,’ and walks out the door.
The bartender jumps back behind the ruined bar and grabs his encyclopedia. He looks up ‘panda’ and sure enough, there is a picture of the panda.
He reads the caption, which says, ‘Panda – a cuddly black-and-white creature. Eats shoots and leaves.’
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